Rest, Procrastination, or Depression

Which is it?

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how we, as Black women, deserve and should take time out for rest. I wholeheartedly agree with this. In fact, I’ve been working on it.

I’ve intentionally sought out moments for myself, trying to shut down the voice that says, “...and what about this? Don’t forget that.” I’m looking for a place where I can just sit and breathe. A place to just be. No screens. No phones. Just me and the quietness of empty space.

I even went out and bought new scented candles to help ground me, hoping the lavender, vanilla or eucalyptus would quiet the outside noise as well as the internal noise and help me settle into the stillness.

How difficult can that be? Ha! Very. It takes practice.

I’m learning to be gentle with myself, sitting in that space without automatically feeling guilty because I “should” be doing something. But I find that as I practice being intentional about rest, the lines between that and procrastination often get blurred.

Am I using rest as an excuse to procrastinate?

When and how do I know the difference between procrastinating and genuinely resting because it is something I need? And when does it crossover into depression?

The energy behind all three is similar in many ways. My movement is slower. My body feels weighed down. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood for any extra expression. Life feels heavy at times—the kind of heavy that makes me just want to lay down. The feeling itself is difficult to pin down. It’s a “sad feeling,” but not a definitive sadness. It’s that rising sensation in my throat, that quickening behind my eyes when the tears are at the surface, ready to fall.

And yet, when I pause to figure out wtf, there’s no clear reason to cry. No tragedy, no crisis, no blatant trigger. Just... the weight.

In this stillness, I find myself questioning: Am I actually resting? Or am I procrastinating?

When I make the conscious choice to lay down instead of tackling the “next thing,” is it the much needed restoration I desire, or is it avoidance? Am I choosing not to complete what needs to be done, or is my body telling me that the work can wait?

The line separating necessary recovery and simply putting things off feels indistinguishable in these moments. Procrastination doesn’t always arrive loud with a clear 'no'; it instead, seeps in slowly with a quiet, heavy pace that mimics the stillness I’m trying to achieve.

But then…..

A more subtle, quieter question surfaces: If this feeling isn’t lifting—if this heaviness is here to stay for a bit, am I actually depressed? Good lord!

How do I know the difference between the restorative slow-down and the clinical shut-down? When the tears are rising for no reason, when the energy is so low it feels impossible to shift, how do I distinguish between needing a break and being trapped in a state that some associate with being ungrateful?

I don’t have the answer yet. I’m just starting to ask the questions. If it turns out to be depression, what’s my next step? How do I shake it when at times I can barely move enough to shake anything at all?

My Simple Acknowledgement

For now, I am simply acknowledging that rest is not just about laying down, but more about identifying the root of this heaviness I sometimes carry.

Is it the weight of my own expectations? Is it the grief of what I haven’t completed? Or is it just the gravity of being a woman who carries so much for so many? Sometimes, just naming it, naming the weight I carry makes it a little easier to breathe as I sort it all out.

How do you find the line?

How do you tell the difference between your body’s need to rest, your mind’s attempt to procrastinate, or the subtle presence of depression?